Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
