I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
