I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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