I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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