Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
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You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
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Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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