i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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