any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
