Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
