Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
