How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
