Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
