so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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