i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
