YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
