What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
