I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
