I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
