her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
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She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
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the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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