Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
