So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
