I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
