Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
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These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
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I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize