there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
tell me about the eggs
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
