you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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