Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
When did angry sex become our thing?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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