I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
