I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
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