I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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