i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
