Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
