So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
