Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
