and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
