Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
be right there i have to get my cape
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
