i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I don't deserve a penis
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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