My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
