Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
