she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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