just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
