Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
