Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
