we're chasing vodka with high fives
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The uberlube is also flammable
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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