you guys were way drunker than both of me
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
