apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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