is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
