Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Randomize
