if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
