imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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