I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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