Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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