if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
