You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
