Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You pole danced in your parka.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
