Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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