im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
