awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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