Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
