There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
