Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
