Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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