no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
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