We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My pussy is not your playground.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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