Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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