Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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