How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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