I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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